ONE the egg is still just an egg

Yup, that says it all. No fertilization. Fuck. Dammit. Ahhhhhhhggggggg!

Plan for today:

I asked the doc when we could come in to talk about our true and realistic options. I offered next week, he offered tomorrow. He is a good human. That's the benefits of being in small clinic. I figured next week would have even been pushing it, but tomorrow at noon. Heck yeah. Let's learn as soon as we can what we really have left so we don't get mentally attached to an option that might not really be there. I've got my list of questions/options I think we have ready for him:

Basic problem summarized--my husband and I are a crap match reproductively (I hope that somehow that means we are better match in life in general--like an inverse relationship--the more trouble you have getting preg, the more you were really meant to be together. Like a consolation prize?). Anyways, if he married someone with a lot of eggs, his swimmers would be fine with ICSI/IVF. And, if I married someone with great swimmers, I should be able to get preg on my own since I do ovulate each month, though not always on the side of my single tube (though that is somewhat an assumption).

So, here's possible options thanks to blogs and dr.goog.le:

1) Natural IVF?
I ovulate every month thankfully. So, could we *just* go in and get that egg. There are only about two docs in the country I think that advertise that they do this b/c of various reasons. However, since we are at a research/university clinic, maybe he's one.

2) Clomid IVF?
I've stumbled on few postings from people that said if you respond terribly to injectable drugs, sometimes clomid gets a better response. However, I know the true problem is there just aren't that many antrals to develop even if they all responded to whatever drug.

3) Egg donor:
I know this an option medically and mentally. However, financially...well, we are maxed out and 35K is just not a gamble I'd really like to add to our huge debt load already. My concern is (and what I need to varify with doc I guess) is what if the egg donor only produces a few embryos, or even worse, what if there are none. Are there any types of guarantees on this sort of thing? Financially, though, we are still not looking at being able to do this anytime soon.

4) Sperm donor:
Financially, this is a great option. Medically, I don't know if he'll do it b/c of the unlikely risk of giving me multiples--note: we'd be unmedicated for the iui, so unless I really do ovulate more than one egg each month, we should be fine. And we should be able to see on u/s how many I ovulate before the iui I would think. Psychologically, though, I'm not sure Mr.ebc is ready to take this jump. I can't imagine how hard it is for him to be in this frustrating and soul crushing position, but I know how absolutely hurt he looks each month, especially today, so even if doc agrees, he's gotta get his mind wrapped around the ramifications of using a donor.

5) Gluten free:
After seeing this on a blog, I did a little research to see how this affects fertility. From what I read, going gluten free may help with high fsh and poor morphology. That's us! So, I'm curious to see if trying this diet change would get Mr.ebc's healed enough to go the iui route with his own swimmers. Plus, I'm just wondering if it would help us both just feel better and more energized. I've got one fellow blogger who I'm contacting right after this post to learn about her experience.


So, I think that's all I can think of. Any input on any of that is very welcome!! Also, luckily, one of our doc's research areas if dor, thus the protocol development we used this past time. So, maybe he has something else up his sleeve? Whatever we decide though, we've got to have our life and marriage back from the all-consuming nature of intense ivf treatments. Getting a baby, but losing your soul, your mind, your energy and your partnership....well, that's just not worth it.