Enjoying where I am

So, at the beginning of our 5th IVF attempt, I'd like to remind myself to enjoy where I am. This is one of the useful lessons that I have learned throughout my infertility adventure that also likely applies to other aspects of my life (of which there are a few left, as described by the previous post). Anyways, this concept basically means to be grateful for whatever stage in the process I am in, because being there means I haven't yet failed the next stage. It's a bit odd to conceptualize, I know.

To give an example, I used to not be able to wait to get on to the next stage of the IVF process (like everyone else of course, as each stage is supposedly closer to the elusive baby). Like, while I was suppressing, I couldn't wait to get done with that and could only think about the upcoming stimming stage. Until I started to fail each of the next steps, that is. Like when I kept failing to stim at all and never made it to retrieval day for three out of four attempts. It was during those types of moments that I realized, I need to be happy just to be stimming because if I was stimming, it meant I hadn't yet failed to make it to retrieval and that I had suppressed successfully (which has also been a challenge). [It's like when I was six years old and desperately wanted to wear a little lip stick. My mom wouldn't let me though until I was 13 though. I couldn't wait to be 13, not realizing that I should enjoy being six because it meant that I hadn't yet screwed up as a teenager yet. Or something that like.]

Anyways, applied to right now, I am just happy to be in the first week of next cycle because that means that I had a period (not everyone gets to) and that I haven't yet failed to ovulate (thankfully, something I usually have been able to do, but I'm still grateful every time that pee stick works because it hasn't always and is a challenge for many).  Applied to that other aspect of my life, I'm just happy to be on this side of the my upcoming interview because that means I haven't yet failed to get hired. Again. Thus, I am succeeding in my fertility and non-fertility life at this very moment in time! I might not be tomorrow after the interview, or next week if the stick doesn't work, but for now, I am, so I will be enjoy my success with a glass of pre-IVF wine!