3.27.2011
CD1...now what??
So, for the first time, in like 4 years, I'm on CD1 with no idea what's next. Maybe nothing. Maybe nothing related to counting freaking cycle days. And that's ok. Either way, I guess I'm excited, albeit a little lost though. Part of me, the really really delusional part, feels like the last 4 years were just this really awful nightmare, and I have this crazy desire to say to sweet husband, hey baby, want to make a baby, and in a month or two, we'll be knocked up. I know, I know...this makes NO sense. I have no idea where this idiotic idea comes from given our history. Anyways, since that is absolutely not going to happen, I am just going to enjoy the lack of counting our new life calls for and relax until our next step seems clear.
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Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Or something. You know what the bitch of it is? Years ago, we (or I anyway, as I have now fully confessed in a blog post) were unaware of the ways of our bodies. But you can't un-know the knowledge that you've gained. I wasn't charting this post-mc cycle, but I could tell you when I ovulated anyway. That's why I'm getting on BCP until my FET. I don't WANT to know. I want the days to all run into each other again. Blissful ignorance.
ReplyDeleteJess at A little blog about the big Infertility had a great post about this. Letting go fo the drugs...cycle days, forced baby-dancing. You are free, but there are still so many options open to you. This painful journey you are on is over...and you are starting a new one that will surely result in a baby.
ReplyDeleteIt must be a strange feeling for sure. Really hope you can let go of it all for a while until you are ready to make new plans - whatever they may be.
ReplyDeleteIt is so odd to be in this place! I hope you can enjoy this time. I still hold onto hope for miracles and I hope you get one.
ReplyDeleteyes! Relax...that sounds nice! This pressure is a killer isn't it! are you relaxing?.....
ReplyDelete