Thank you again for the continued support and fabulous comments. Above that though, thank you for taking time to read and really consider my posts. That means the world to me. You all are the best, seriously.
I did want to clarify, though, that although one day we were still planning to pursue another ivf cycle, the next we declared we were done, and the next I was a bit more upbeat about having a life and our few options....please know that this situation, the one where we don't have a biological child related to both of us, has been something that has been so far out of grasp all along, that I long ago began to try to come to terms with the very real possibility of ivf not working at all. Two years ago they determined I had diminished ovarian reserve and the husband had crap swimmers. So, while it appears from the last few posts, it was all overnight decisions, it wasn't. Yes, declaring our doneness with ivf was an overnight decision technically, but it's something that we have thoroughly discussed before--honestly, we were done after #4, but only tried #5 because we had a brand new clinic with a pioneering protocol and insurance coverage (that's being resubmitted for review) for the first time ever. We had great hopes, yes, but were not surprised when it was the same single egg failure the past three had been. Jumping ship from further ivf's after everything is difficult, in some ways, but in more ways it's far far easier than trying again. Being able to come together and agree that we have tried and are now going to try something different has been refreshing...thus the improved outlook "overnight"--just the freedom to have a life, a marriage and try something totally different is exciting in the midst of and over and above acknowledging our doneness with ivf. Finally, I'm not saying this is the correct path for everyone--some should keep trying and some should probably not try ivf at all...like us...I think it all comes down to what you're willing to put on the line for what you want (that mental/emotional stuff), as well as the results you are seeing (the good ole' medical stuff). I do not at all think multiple IVF attempts for some are a bad thing...I think multiple IVF attempts for us and our situation was a bad thing. Just to clarify.
I hope that you have some peace with this decision. It is a hard place to be.
ReplyDeleteI think you are right....the grieving starts Early on when you start to learn more and more about your diagnosis and what it might mean. Our problem was that little sliver of hope we would feel---usually after reading about someone else having some amazing last chance cycle and we'd think those dangerous words: why not us? But right this second I'm sitting in an airport waiting to board a plane to go halfway around the world to meet the children I really do feel I was meant to parent...and I'll take this feeling of hope and excitement over any I ever felt during a cycle any day! I'm happy you are starting to feel lightness and peace.
ReplyDeletethanks for stopping by my blog. sorry to hear about your difficult IF journey and the recent poor result with IVF #5. I look forward to hearing if you pursue adoption anymore.
ReplyDeleteI remember coming to that place, too. The sadness with knowing you're at the end of the line, and the freedom about being done.
ReplyDeleteAnd who knows? Like you said in another post, maybe now some other ways will open up. I wish you the best on this.
ICLW #27
I admire your resolve. I think we've all asked ourselves, at what point do we stop? And I think the answer is when it will bring us more peace to stop than to keep going.
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