Totally preg related post....feel free to skip if you need to. It's kind of a brain dump anyway as I deal with all of sudden feeling very.very.overwhelmed and I just needed someone to "listen"...thus, a blog post.
Today was my monthly ob visit at just shy of 27 weeks. Everything is fine, but I left feeling like a deer in the headlights and completely overwhelmed. Last month, we started talking c-section (my expectation since UU was discovered years ago, as I was told by a number of docs that kid would be breech. period.) vs. pushing the kid out (since this kid is actually head down, not breech like was expected). Today the discussion came up again--and which was better for me and for kiddo. Doc stated b/c kid was likely to not flip around at this point (not enough room) and thus stay head down, from what we know right now (position wise at least), it will not be a situation that is decided for me (e.g. breech=c-section. decision made). Dang it. Now, obviously things can happen that will still lead to a c-section, but he's just saying that right now we aren't looking at anything requiring a scheduled one. In terms of what's best for me and the kid, well, the literature is split--you're screwed either way as far as I read (or in his words, there are pros and cons). Both have benefits and risks. Both have the chance of uterine rupture now or for future pregnancies (yeah, I have no hope for that, but still something to consider I suppose). There is very, very limited literature or even personal experience reports of UU's pushing a kid out...probably b/c if they get preg easily (never requiring HSG), then they very well could have pushed the kid out and still have no idea they even have a UU...thus, no literature and the UU's that are known about seem to have been documented as requiring a c-section b/c of breech presentation.
Blah blah blah. So what does all this mean????
Well, basically, we are going to wait and see and play it by ear. I'm ok with that. The part that has rocked my little world is that this whole time the doc has been saying he thought I'd make it to Christmas time (38-39 weeks)...and if we scheduled the c-section, it be then. Today, he said he doubts that I'd make it that far. This is much more in line with UU expectations and what we've been told by other docs (who quite frankly are shocked we've made it this far). No, nothing has changed really that made him say that--except maybe the twitchy uterus experience that took me to L&D within the week or so. Really though, I think he was holding out high expectations as part of mental encouragement, if that makes sense...like when delivery whenever was really far out, tell the patient they can go all the way so they don't get it in their head they can't. I'm good with this. I have no doubt the placebo effect exists, and it was far out so encouragement for me was good. Now that the time is sort of nearing, he's being more realistic so I can wrap my head around that. I'm good with that too. I've known all along that I very, very likely go early--I mean, my own personal goal this whole time was to make it to Dec. 1. The doc saying I'd make it to Christmas made me roll my eyes, but also did it's intended purpose--has made me think I could go that far and worry obsessively about one more thing out of control.
So, what's my deal now that he's saying Tgiving is more realistic? Well, I guess hearing a doc say that does make it more realistic. And all of sudden, I feel like I'm running out of time. Running out of time to be pregnant which makes me sad. And running out of time to actually start getting ready should we bring this kid home (yeah, there's still an "if" there for me). Each week since viability, we've done one thing to get ready. Bought a stroller and booked a newborn photographer. There's no shower, so no registering has to be done, but we planned to around 30 weeks. There's no nursery, so no decorating needed. NOTHING IMPORTANT though has been accomplished/bought/lined up....like, oh, I don't know...sleeping place (e.g. crib), carseat, pediatrician picking.....And now, I maybe be looking at only another 7 weeks. What?!? At least kids really don't need that much to come home...like those three things should really take care of it in all reality.
Again, I really did expect this. As much as I expected to make it this far I guess for whatever that's worth. All of this is fixable, but today, I am stuck staring at the wall and feeling sad (this is almost over; I really like being pregnant) and overwhelmed (where do I even start and wow I feel alone to deal with all this) and scared (pushing the kid out was never, ever on my life bucket list...and yes, an elective c-section is still an option; I just like it when decisions are made for me about these sorts of things).
Seriously, what a great "problem" to have.
I think I just need to breathe. And maybe make a list. And put L&D's number in my phone.
I just love that "booking a newborn photographer" is considered an essential prep step for baby :p
ReplyDeleteI think delaying the c-section/vag decision as long as possible sounds like a swell idea. Why decide things that don't require immediate decisions? That is interesting that c-section or vaginal put you at equal risk for a uterine rupture in the future. I'd have assumed the c-section would be worse, since it does increase the risk for normal utes.