still here...still pregnant

Yes, I'm still here and in fact, still pregnant. No micropreemie for us. Still might be a preemie, but at 36 weeks, the hope for a take home kiddo continues to slightly increase each week. (On a medical note--I'm not sure how long this 17P progesterone goodness has been around or been used for unicornuate uterus folks, but I credit my continuing-to-stretch-towards-full-term-UU-ability with it's magic-ness, along with a big healthy of shear miracle). I've written many posts in my head but am having great difficulty starting or finishing anything recently, and thus the silence.

Anyways, I continue to take things super easy around here. I rarely leave the apartment, which I'm sure is an indication of some sort of underlying problem, but the thought of going out to do much of anything is either not worth it or completely overwhelming. My anxiety continues to be at an all time high, completely exasperated by a situation I created myself (hey, if you want something done well, do it yourself right?). The slightly short story is--my doc has been saying all along that if I actually made it past Tgiving, he planned to welcome our kiddo to the world no later than mid-Dec (say, the 16th-ish-a day or so shy of 38w)). Well, last week, he now says that the 16th is a little sooner than he'd like and he'd rather push us towards 38w6d for the c-section (kiddo is now breech again and likely stuck that way given my half uterus is like half a first grader drawn heart--more room at the top for the head than at the bottom). Note, 38w6d is the day before I invited both sets of our parents to come to down to meet our "week old newborn" (other note: I'd rather it just be me and DH and kiddo...but he desperately misses his big family holidays and I felt like I was being a brat keeping people away, so given the immunity the kid is born with and will get thru BF and the holiday timing, I decided to try to share and play well with others with the caveat that you can come...but only for three days and only for short visits during the day that will end when nap or feeding time begins).

Anyways, needless to say, I am now freaking out because while having family around for the hospital time may be some people's dream...it's one of my top 5 birthing nightmares. I mean, I like privacy, especially during such a naked, vulnerable experience. But, travel reservations are very expensive to change and/or unchangeable. At least I'll have no quite 24 hours to begin to recover before they flood my room. Woo.

But even better (this is the only pro I have found so I keep repeating it to myself hourly)...I'll have hospital security to throw my mother out when she won't respect my requests to leave. Yay. (Yes, it will come to that...she is well meaning but ooozes self-centered-over-excitement. Example-at our wedding, DH and I wanted to see each other for the first time alone with only the photographer present. This of course was not accepted to my mother who believed she has a right to be present for such an intimate moment. It took our wedding coordinator leading her by the hand to outside the church and then throwing her body across the doors. Yeah, I'm serious. She thinks she's above the rules, puts her desires above other's needs and makes espresso nervous.).

Sigh. It will all work out and this is such a minor nuisance in the scheme of life. But it still has greatly increased my anxiety. Of course, for as much worrying energy as I've put into this topic, I'll likely go into labor before then and thus, not even have to worry about it! Other than sitting around and worrying about...everything...I try to get last minute things done. This week I hope to make some casseroles to freeze because we don't know anyone here so there will be no meals coming to our door (And no, my mom can't cook us some to occupy herself, because she can't cook. Great idea though!), as well as finish Christmas preparations (that no one will see but us...oh well).