So, yesterday, a fb friend announced her pregnancy with this little line: "Sammy will be a big brother in December."
Now, the announcement itself didn't really catch my attention because Sammy (who was unexpected...not in that, been trying for years, holy crap we're knocked up kind of unexpected way, but in that oops...i thought pills prevent not enable....kind of unexpected way) is two, so I sort of figured another might be on the way soon (because that's what fertiles do right?).
Anyways, no, the thing that got my attention was her use of the word "will". Such confidence. He WILL be a big brother. Oh really? My immediate thought was, "That's bold. Shit happens. Good luck with your "will"." Sure that isn't nice, but I said it was my first thought. I didn't actually type it. My next few thoughts were this (ok, still along the same lines). She hasn't reached medical viability yet (does she know about such a milestone?), and of course, medical viability is still no guarantee. Heck, read around the blogs long enough, and even full term isn't a guarantee.
So, back to "will". Sure, most people say that and assume that. Sometimes they assume that because they have to...like this has to be the take home baby because losing yet another one or losing this first one after so much pain and work is just not something their brain can even venture towards without total destruction. Sometimes, though, they assume it will all turn out okay because they know no different. They live in this slice of earth where they and their friends have had easily obtained, easily survived pregnancies with cute, living kiddos on the other end. Their slice of earth no doubt has IF and pregnancy loss, but those people are silent or are not acknowledged. Therefore, they still have the confidence in the goodness of the world and the sweetness of pregnancy to use the word "will" for something we all know to be one of the biggest miracle/luck/illogical happenings in life. Again, friend, good luck with "will". I'll take my "hopefully, maybe, possibly" and my huge load of absolute, fall on my face, gratefulness because I know "will" is not inevitable. And that's ok.
You know, I NEVER say Nugget "will" be a big brother...or "when the baby comes." I always caveat it with "hopefully" and "if this pregnancy works out" because you never know...that is one thing IF has taught me. I hope though, for the moment, you are HERE in the pregnancy (at least that is what I am telling myself...I may not stay pregnant and something may happen to the baby but just for this little bit...I am going to enjoy my belly.) (Runningmama from more room in my heart)
ReplyDeleteSame thing happened to me awhile back. A friend announced right after there 9 week appointment. I was floored, I couldn't believe it. I guess when you don't struggle with infertility and have no knowledge of how easy and possible it is to lose a baby you can make such bold statements.
ReplyDeleteI'm struggling with this at the moment... It feels too early to announce (I'm nearly 13 weeks) because I know that reaching the 2nd trimester is no guarantee. Oh, I would so love to have that confidence! xx
ReplyDeleteThere will always be vast differences between the fertile and infertile world, but I sure wish the IFers could have that simple confidence...but it just isn't possible for most. Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteYeah, I'd love to return to blissful ignorace, and I actually get really angry (probably just jealous, really) of people who haven't had that ripped away from them.
ReplyDeleteI agree with your thoughts. Those are my thoughts. We are so vastly different than the rest of the population and think so differently. I'm sorry. I know those announcements will never cease to cause pain for me.
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